The Correctional Officer Part IV

"THE PUSH"

When you know what your purpose is then you must either embrace it or allow it to drift.  What you are going to feel will not be good, but trust that it is good.  The life of a Correctional Officer or the field of Corrections is difficult.  It takes a unique individual to do this work and when I say this, I mean it takes a unique individual to make it a life long career.  In my short time of almost 4 years in this field, I have seen both men and women throw in the hat at excessive numbers.  Some had what it took to do this job, but simply could not handle the demands of this profession.  For me, it has been a battle to prove not only to myself that I was meant to do this, but to many who pointed to their own limitations and proclaimed those limitations to be mine.  Here is where I talk about "The Push". 

Limits are only where you place them.  I have never done well with limits, however, I allow distractions to hold me back at times, therefore, teaching self-discipline is necessary.  When I decided to put in the work and accept that I would have to work 75 hours a week, for an unspoken period of time, put relationships aside, lose what I had worked so hard for in the gym for so many years, and put my life on hold, that is when things began to change for me.  Listening to those who stay within the confines of what they know began to hinder my vision and I quickly had to decide if I was up for the push.

It's 11:00 pm on a Tuesday night after 16 hours in Master Control....  I sit on my bed and I only feel conflicted?  I know what's ahead of me.  I know that it's not going to be fun and I know most of all, the sacrifices I will have to make.  But, I am in a place where the pressure is unlike anything I've ever faced?  The promotion from a Correctional Officer to a Sergeant in a State Correctional facility has me tentative in my decisions?  On this day, I find that adapting and overcoming was crucial and although I managed to get through it... I could not hold back tears.  The fatigue has set in and my ability to keep a level head with the pressures to make decisions in multiple issues taking place causes me to lose confidence in myself.  Am I able to sustain that mental toughness that I spoke about in my last story?

A Correctional Officer immediately sets his/her tone of how inmates will respond.  Coming to a all women's facility was not the challenge that I thought it was going to be.  I am confident that the impact I make at the end of this journey will be one to remember by the Inmate, the Officers, and those men/women of rank.  It is the only thing that gives me the drive I need to get up every morning and give "The Push" necessary to get through the multiple double shifts worked in a 40 hour work week.  However, as a Rookie Sergeant, in a role where you are expected to build moral, lead by example and form unity, without the ability to reassure the young men and women that relief is near is challenging.  As the weeks pass and the fatigue sets in while pressure is high, I see those who know me best pushing me through.  You see, the Push comes when you are in the grind and in the storm.  Most will run from it.  Therefore, only those who believe in what they are truly trying to accomplish will push through the storm.  The bond is strong behind these gates because we only have each other... no one else is coming to get us and when stakes are high, only we are coming to get us.

On this day, myself and another officer argue and he doesn't leave without apologizing to me.  Emotional and unable to speak, he only sees tears.  And we walk away quickly bouncing back and regaining composure. When one is intentional of their efforts, it resonates into positivity.  I believe this.  We are working 16 hours a day.  We are faced with the unknown everyday.  Some are facing family disarray.  And so tension is high. Some have chosen not to push through and will leave the facility.  Recently, A local news station did a story on the astounding percentage of Correctional Officers lacking in New Mexico Facilities and the dangers faced because of it.  Of Course it is dangerous.  What most do not understand is that it is dangerous whether there are shortages or not. Corrections is never going to get easier so I encourage those who have the desire to challenge themselves to get in the mist of the the fight.  Learn how got get knocked down and learn how to fight so that you can hold your position.  See Most don't get out into the arena of life because they don't want to fight, they don't want to get knocked down.  But you see...  You are going to be dropped whether you are on the field or sitting on the sidelines.  You are going to be dropped, so at least get dropped for something. Be where the action is and you will be amazed after the struggle, there will be a calmness and that's when things will begin to click.

There will be a time when everything seems questionable.  The mountains tower over us.  We are beat down.  Our bodies begin to give in.  PERFECT.  The men and women who wear their badge and walk behind those gates have no idea what lies ahead each day?  We are officers, we are councilors, we are nurses, and we must be able to do it all in sequence at times. Becoming a Correctional Officer is just the beginning.  The most prideful moment is when you receive that badge and become a sister/brother to those fellow Officers behind the gates, but the legacy you choose to leave behind is priceless.